I saw myself in your honest words. The being ashamed when with the doctor. Metforman gave me incredible insomnia, like that's my fault. I look at every morsel of food---calories, low carb, all of it. I haven't spent one day just eating without analyzing every bite. And I have the long t-shirts too, especially the black ones. Thanks for speaking up.
Oh yes, the shirts must definitely be black. It is so foreign to me also, to think about people not analyzing or thinking about what they eat or ate constantly.
Every morsel. It’s probably an eating disorder that I haven’t heard of yet. Orthorexia Nervosa according to Google. In my case I’ve been told by doctors that I would die early if I didn’t abide by a ‘low fat diet’, which frightened me so I did it and got high blood pressure, panic attacks and gained a lot of weight. So the doctor says, ‘you need low carb’, another doctor told me ‘45 carbs a day.’ I actually did it. What a horrible way to live. And even when I lose a lot of weight my shape never changes. Heather, thank you again for putting this out there.
Oh, Heath. I see you for you and the mama bear that you are. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re a kind, caring, empathetic soul. Everyone who knows you - really knows you - loves you for who you are. I understand what you’re saying and I’m so sorry you are beating yourself up so much for something that is out of your control. I’ve seen you work hard to lose weight. I know it’s frustrating when you put in the work and don’t get the results you hope for. Please know this, the people who love you, love you for you. The kind, caring, determined, ambitious, forever learning, empathetic soul that you are. I know that the people you saw last week didn’t text one another and ask if they noticed your weight. Those people are your family and they love you. I love you so much and I’m always here if you decide you want to talk about it. ♥️
I learned a lot from this piece, Heather, and I’ll be more aware and sympathetic to the challenges of being overweight as a result of this brave essay. It’s making me think of the many people in my ACA support group who are also in Overeaters Anonymous. There are many of them, and they have hinted at stories like this. But I guess they delve into those details when they are with that support group. Regardless, I hear the struggle, and what makes it so challenging, and what your piece illuminates so well, is that you have the eyes of the world on you all the time, leaving you endlessly wondering, questioning, feeling defeated. It’s exhausting and inescapable, in that respect. Our culture is particularly merciless when it comes to weight. So, I get why this feels like so much to carry. My hope is you can one day (soon?) find a way to put down this burden and free yourself of all the decades of struggle and baggage around this issue. Because you are a hell of a lot more than your body.
Thank you so much. Like so many forms off addiction, trauma can play a huge role, so it makes a lot of sense to me that you know people who are in both groups.
Yes, we all have at least one, if not more, addiction. Food, drink, sex, gambling, codependency…
But it’s funny how people rarely talk about their other addictions in the trauma group. We seem to pretty much keep them separate. So, your piece gave me a lot of insight that I’ve been missing in these interactions even with knowing so many other parts of their stories grateful for that.
I saw myself in your honest words. The being ashamed when with the doctor. Metforman gave me incredible insomnia, like that's my fault. I look at every morsel of food---calories, low carb, all of it. I haven't spent one day just eating without analyzing every bite. And I have the long t-shirts too, especially the black ones. Thanks for speaking up.
Oh yes, the shirts must definitely be black. It is so foreign to me also, to think about people not analyzing or thinking about what they eat or ate constantly.
Every morsel. It’s probably an eating disorder that I haven’t heard of yet. Orthorexia Nervosa according to Google. In my case I’ve been told by doctors that I would die early if I didn’t abide by a ‘low fat diet’, which frightened me so I did it and got high blood pressure, panic attacks and gained a lot of weight. So the doctor says, ‘you need low carb’, another doctor told me ‘45 carbs a day.’ I actually did it. What a horrible way to live. And even when I lose a lot of weight my shape never changes. Heather, thank you again for putting this out there.
Oh, Heath. I see you for you and the mama bear that you are. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re a kind, caring, empathetic soul. Everyone who knows you - really knows you - loves you for who you are. I understand what you’re saying and I’m so sorry you are beating yourself up so much for something that is out of your control. I’ve seen you work hard to lose weight. I know it’s frustrating when you put in the work and don’t get the results you hope for. Please know this, the people who love you, love you for you. The kind, caring, determined, ambitious, forever learning, empathetic soul that you are. I know that the people you saw last week didn’t text one another and ask if they noticed your weight. Those people are your family and they love you. I love you so much and I’m always here if you decide you want to talk about it. ♥️
I love you.
I love you more!
I learned a lot from this piece, Heather, and I’ll be more aware and sympathetic to the challenges of being overweight as a result of this brave essay. It’s making me think of the many people in my ACA support group who are also in Overeaters Anonymous. There are many of them, and they have hinted at stories like this. But I guess they delve into those details when they are with that support group. Regardless, I hear the struggle, and what makes it so challenging, and what your piece illuminates so well, is that you have the eyes of the world on you all the time, leaving you endlessly wondering, questioning, feeling defeated. It’s exhausting and inescapable, in that respect. Our culture is particularly merciless when it comes to weight. So, I get why this feels like so much to carry. My hope is you can one day (soon?) find a way to put down this burden and free yourself of all the decades of struggle and baggage around this issue. Because you are a hell of a lot more than your body.
Thank you so much. Like so many forms off addiction, trauma can play a huge role, so it makes a lot of sense to me that you know people who are in both groups.
Yes, we all have at least one, if not more, addiction. Food, drink, sex, gambling, codependency…
But it’s funny how people rarely talk about their other addictions in the trauma group. We seem to pretty much keep them separate. So, your piece gave me a lot of insight that I’ve been missing in these interactions even with knowing so many other parts of their stories grateful for that.